My sister keeps me updated on the trials and tribulations of her children, most recently her daughter’s devastation at being the odd one out in her group of three girlfriends – always a recipe for heartache!
I was amazed at how quickly I identified with her daughter’s loneliness and the pain that comes with individuation and being left out of the group.
This loneliness is an inevitable, inescapable part of the human condition. It’s something we experience both as children and adults and we can feel lonely it even when we’re in the midst of a crowd, or with family and friends.
Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for its presence, we just feel separate from all those around us and it’s very isolating.
Seeing my little niece so bereft got me thinking about how important it is to develop self-soothing strategies so we can comfort ourselves when we’re distressed and become our own best friend when there is no-one else to fulfil that role.
For my niece it means going to school with an amazonite crystal in her pocket. Whenever she’s feeling anxious or lonely at school she touches it and feels comforted to know that she’s supported by the mineral kingdom.
Self-soothing skills vary from person to person but here are seven tips to get you started:
- Treat yourself to a new haircut or manicure
- Nurture yourself with a nice lip gloss or face cream
- Put on loud music and dance until you feel better or stronger.
- Coach yourself gently as you would a young child, gently encouraging yourself until you feel more balanced
- Take yourself out into nature and ask Mother Earth to send golden or pink light up into your heart chakra – practice this often enough and you’ll never feel alone again
- If you’re feeling angry or irritable, start journaling and begin with “I could feel upset because ……” or “I could feel angry because….” and invariably the feelings, and often a solution, come pouring out
- If you’re feeling vulnerable or upset, have warm magnesium bath that soothes the body physically, breathe into whatever emotion is present and have a good cry if you need it.
Learning to be our own best friend is one of the best skills we can practice. It helps us feel safe, loved and valuable – regardless of what is happening in the world around us.
For tips on developing self-love and happiness, explore Start Being Happy!